Ladies Nite Out..

Met Ming for the first time last Wednesday at O Bar. At first I was a little apprehensive as I wasn't sure if we were able to hit it off. I'm glad to say that it seemed as if we had known each other for quite some time. Since it was ladies' nite and all and the drinks were free, we decided to be a little cheapskate and have a few drinks, enough to make us feel high before we headed to MOS. Both of us downed 5 tequila shots at one go and I must say I was surprised I still felt all right. Maybe it was because I had a heavy dinner before. Anyways, we went to MOS after that and got us a drink again. The last one, which Ming ordered was a double shot of tequila and that did it for us. Feeling tipsy we went to the dance floor and kept dancing till the club closed!

After suffering from clubbing withdrawal symptoms, it felt really good to be able to let loose again. Hey, after all the shit that I had to go through it's only fair I indulge myself right? Well..although it's not exactly a healthy choice, what the heck..enjoy while you still can! Within minutes we had guys coming up to us and dancing. At first I didn't know how to react coz I wasn't sure if Ming was the 'good' type or the 'let loose' type. (good - prefer to dance only with girls. let loose - duh) Well, she was already grooving with some guy and so with a big smile, I danced like there was no tomorrow.

When I think about it now, it's funny coz I used to have malay guys coming up to me but last Wednesday, I danced with two chinese guys. I don't know if I unconsciously picked to dance with them or if they could actually smell my aura. Haha! Whatever it was, I had fun. And one of them was pretty cute. ;) Oh, and we met another girl and her friend as well so the four of us really enjoyed ourselves. I'm glad to have made new friends and to experience singlehood all over again. Sigh...this is the life man! Hehe...of course, after not dancing vigorously for a long time, I ended up with terrible cramps in my thighs the next day and my body was aching for two days! Age, it seems is catching up with me.. :p

Of course, I'm not going to club forever. I told myself to just club and club like crazy till I decided I had enough! Or..when I finally meet THE one, I guess..*shrug*

I don't want to do this. Heck! I don't want to feel like this anymore. Why does it keep haunting me, bugging me? I ask myself why I do things I would normally frown upon? Why do things that I know will lead me to nowhere? Why do things that I know will not bring me any gain, only loss and possibly tears? Why..why..why..??

And all I can think of is this: So that I'll never forget the real pain that comes with it. So that I'll steer clear away from anything that has to do with it. So that I'll be even stronger emotionally and mentally. Damn..who am I kidding? I tell myself it's not worth being this way because of one bad incident. But I feel myself plunging deeper into the dark hole. Not proud of myself. But it seems to be working. The tears don't come easily now. Pain - sure. But only for a few fleeting moments and then it's gone.

Stronger me? Yeah. Better me? No. Seek help? Haha, sure from a quack? I hate the new strong me. Can't explain it. No one will understand. No one. They will look at me in a different light. They will say that no one twisted my arm to make me do the things I do. And they're right. Family will break into pieces. Friends will shake their heads in despair. Or disgust even. No one will understand. No one. And I think..I don't give a fuck.

Makeover!

Ok..it's not exactly a studio makeover or anything like that. But I went to the salon a few days ago thinking of having highlights in my hair. I didn't want the bright or blonde streaks in my hair coz even if it will turn out nice, I'm sure I'll be cursing a few months down the road when the colours have faded and I would walk around with a head full of dead hays.

My usual stylist understood what I wanted and he gave me just that. I could see the colours but I felt it wasn't enough. And for the amount I had to pay, it just didn't seemed to be worth it. Of course, I was the one who insisted that I wanted a more natural colour so I couldn't really blame him. What irks me is that, as usual, whenever I told him I only wanted a slight hair trim, he would proceed to cut off chunks of it! And he does this everytime! Too polite, I didn't want to give him my killer looks.

It's been days and the colours are beginning to be more apparent. It's a good colour, I think and a friend commented that it looks fresh. So it's not so bad after all. I'm beginning to like the shorter hair and I'm thinking of going back for a haircut again to get it shorter! And who knows, I might just get blonde streaks the next time! ;)

Wo keyi jiang hua yu i tian tian*

Met up with Delvin last weekend. Surprisingly, I could actually get on his 1000cc bike. I mean, I had turned down a ride from another guy who offered to send me home on his big bike because I knew I would feel uncomfortable since I didn't really know him that well. It's not like I knew this guy very well either, but well..guess I didn't know how to tell him I would rather take the public transport instead. Or maybe, it was because I knew I would feel more comfortable with him? Who knows..

Anways, went for lunch and then met up with his friends to go to a car showroom. Felt slightly awkward being there, among his friends coz after all, I was the odd one out. And I'm sure judging from the 'trying to look but try not to make it so obvious' looks that they gave me, they must be thinking "What is this ma lai ren doing here??"(what is this malay person doing here?) Hehe..but overall, it was ok. I think I would have felt even more uncomfortable being around a group of strangers who are my own race. It's not like I'm racist or anything but right now, it's just how things are. Just find myself more relaxed being with hua ren.(chinese people) Plus, I can brush up on my mandarin.:)

ps:* I can speak mandarin better than I can spell.
* For the benefit of non-speaking chinese friends, the title here means "I can speak a little mandarin."

Someone commented that blogs are stupid. That those who actually have them are too free. That he can't imagine someone would actually sit in front of the computer and type about the day's event. In the past, I would have agreed with some of his opinions.

But now, I think blogging is a good way to improve your language skills and a way to vent out your frustrations without having to resort to inflicting damage to anyone or anything. Anyway, those who suffers from English deficiency are usually the ones who finds it a headache to read blogs. (They should try to read ah lian's or ah beng's blogs.) It's also a good way for friends to keep up with what's happening in our lives when our daily routines makes it impossible for us to contact one another. Some blogs are good and some are just plain dumb. I think some don't even know what blogging means. Some do it for the 'fame' of it. Me? I just write what comes to mind and when I want my friends to know what I have been up to. Or simply, to let off steam. I used to write on paper but now, I guess I have upgraded. Hehe..

Of course, if you guys are expecting to find some 'dirt' on me in here, sorry to say you'll be disappointed. I'm not so stupid as to wash dirty laundry on a public website. If you want, my hp is always on. But you know I'll always be sure to let you in on my little dirty secrets, if any..;)