I do..I don't..?

I had a long talk with a friend the other day. As usual the topic about relationships came out, particularly marriage. We were talking about other people's experiences and we sure had a lot of bad examples to quote. It made us come to the conclusion that marriage is a gamble. Cliche, but when you think about it, it really is a BIG risk. Just when you think you know your partner well enough, a few years down the road, he/she may turned out to be way different from the person you took your vows with. A friend who went through a bitter divorce, told me that after more than ten years of marriage, she never expected that she had married a monster. Scary, isn't it? Marriage, to me is a beautiful, sacred thing but human beings are the ones who marred the image of this otherwise perfect union.

I would loved to get married to that special someone and lived happily ever after but how many of us can really stand up and say that tying the knot with their partner is the best thing that has ever happened to them - after 10 years of marriage? I'm sure there are some people out there who will be able to say this without hesitation but there are only a few. The rare few. I have heard so many horror stories and so few fairytales. As much as I wanna get hitched, hearing the bad experiences of these people makes me shudder. Makes me think twice about settling down. And I'm sure my mom wouldn't want to hear this from me. It also depends on one's luck, I guess. There are some people who still look at their partner lovingly despite being together for donkey years, and there are some who decided to change 'flavour' even after just one or two years of marriage.

Sigh....where are the good old days of 'till death do us part'? It hurts when your life partner dies and leave you but it hurts even more if a third party is involved. Which is why, although I have seen my mom go through hell when my dad passed away, I would much rather my future partner croaked than have him leave me for another slut. As with all relationships, there are bound to be problems. Especially so in marriage but would a couples' love be strong enough to overcome any obstacles? I guess, only time will tell. And only time will tell if I would be ready to take that life changing plunge, if/when I have to make that decision...

Dream job down the drain..

Was supposed to go for an interview last Thursday but I overslept! Think it was somewhat a blessing in disguise that I woke up late coz when I called the interviewer (who I think is the boss as well) to ask if we could re-schedule another appointment, she came across as a stuck up bitch. Oh, the position was for a full time teacher at a children development/enrichment centre. Our job I think, is basically to lead activities like singing, arts and play between parent and child. I have always wanted to work in an environment where I'll be surrounded with kids. The only hurdle was that when she called me to go for the interview, she asked me to prepare a story-telling and a song. Story-telling, I can handle but to sing in public, now that's like the ultimate fear factor for me. Even if it's just to sing nursery rhyme or something. Leave me alone with the kids and I'm sure I'll do just fine. Superb, in fact but to sing in front of the interviewers and most probably the parents as well, I knew I would suck at it.

Anyways, I went to the centre two days before the day of the interview just to check out the place. It was my dream 'office' - a playground for toddlers/kids. The place was already closed but there was one lady who was still in the office. When she locked up the place for the night, I got a good look at her. She was dressed in a formal office attire and I think she might be the one who was supposed to interview me. I must say, I don't really like her face. And when I talked to her on the phone, all the more she convinced me that she might be one tough shit to work with. She was hesitant when I asked if I could perhaps set another date for an interview coz I lied that I was not feeling well. I even told her that I could come down later that afternoon just to make things easy for her but she didn't want me to. Instead, she said that I should have told her earlier and not last minute. Urm...do we know when we are going to fall sick btw? Ok, I lied but what if I was really sick?? To think she works with kids and yet I don't hear any compassion in her voice. Bitch. Explains why they still have not found someone even though they advertised for the position more than a month ago.

I actually felt kinda relieved that I didn't go for the interview although I would have loved to snag the job. At least I don't have to sing in public! I mean, I'm sure with time and if I was hired, I would be able to just open my mouth and sing. After all it's just singing to kids and as for the parents, I don't think they expect a Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston to sing to their kids. It's just that knowing that I would have to sing and be observed by the interviewer at the same time really freaked me out. I'm a bit disappointed with myself for not rising up to the challenge but at the same time, I'm glad I don't have to face the stupid interviewer/boss. Thankfully I still have my job so in the meantime I'll just have to keep looking. Adios!

Blank..

Ok, it's 3am in the morning and I'm still sitting in front of the computer. Kept telling myself..no.. actually, my body have been telling me to get some sleep but I can't seemed to pull myself away from the darn internet. My mind is tired and I still have not taken out my contact lenses. Feeling exhausted that I don't even know what to name this blog and so, the title that you see here. Oh, almost forgot the reason why I logged in. Wanted to let you great peeps know that I'm ok. I know some of you are kinda worried when you read my previous post but don't worry. I actually woke up the very next day feeling as usual, if not better. I don't even see the need to cry anymore. Don't wanna waste precious tears especially since I'm prone to dehydration eh! Keke..Anyways, here's a little joke. It still makes me laugh no matter how many times I've read it. See if you're able to make sense of it yeah. Enjoy and..*yaaawwnnn*.. gd nite!

Dear Ah Lian,
Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find. You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright. Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye.....

Worm regard, Ah Beng

Tears No More..

Went to MOS (again) yesterday night since I had ticket for free entry. The queue was damn looonng...but luckily we met a group of people nice enough to let us joined them so we didn't really had to queue very long compared to the rest. Met some gals and guys from WG and I must say, some of them looked very different from their pics and I could hardly recognise them. It was fun being able to meet them in person at last. Yay! More gal friends and more clubbing kakis! I was having the time of my life and for the first time I actually flirted with the bartender and me and my friend took turns giving him a peck on the cheek! It was really fun doing such girly stuff. :D However, the night ended with a sour note because I found out something about a person whom I thought might be different. Learned about it after I bumped into him in the club. What a bloody coincidence.

It made me realised I have actually succeeded in achieving what I've always wanted - to be very strong emotionally. When it happened, I just stood there. Tears have somewhat formed in my throat and the amazing thing was that they didn't flow. I just couldn't cry. It happened a few times and yet nothing happened. And now I just feel numb. I knew that I was capable of being this way sooner or later but I never expected how it would make me feel. Apart from the numbness, I feel scared. To not be able to feel any sadness. Pain, sure but like I've said before, only for a few fleeting minutes and then it's gone. I feel almost like..a zombie.

Don't worry it's not like I've totally zonked out or something but I just feel..empty...numb. No wonder they say that human beings need to feel sadness or pain in order to feel alive. I'm glad I don't shed tears easily now but it hurts all the same coz I can't release the tension or the pain. Crying helps to make one feel better and I can't even do that. Not because I don't want to but I just can't. And now my throat and chest hurts from all the buildup tears that refused to flow freely. I can only blame myself. Warning bells have been triggering in my head but I chose to ignore it. I just never expected to learned it from others - almost complete strangers, to be exact. (I'm thankful for their concerns though) I never expected me to be 'one of the girls' and now, it really is going to be much, much harder for someone to invade me emotionally. Not when I have grown numb when it comes to affairs of the heart.

On a lighter note, the night ended with 4 or 5 gorgeous transvestites hurling abuses and punches and kicks at one another. They were cursing in thai, in their manly voices and while kicking at one another, my friend told me that in the midst of the fight one of them had her silicon boobs exposed. Guessed it happened when someone pulled her tube dress. It happened a few times but dang..I never saw it! Hehe..I'm sure it must be uhm..educational to see fake boobies 'live'. They were really pretty but hell..they can't beat us real women! :p Besides, they sure entertained us and the rest of the clubbers with their free-style kungfu. Haaiiiiiyak..!!

Sick - Physically and of Work..

I'm at home now, on two days medical leave. And yes, I was on 3 days medical leave just last week. This time though, I was really not feeling well. I discovered spots of blood in my urine a few days ago. Turned out I had a bad infection. So now forcing myself to gulp down huge amounts of plain water. Which of course, is a very hard thing for me to do. Constantly reminding myself of the last urine infection that I had - which landed me in the hospital for a week. Almost tempted to not take the medication properly so I could be hospitalised again. Hehe..crazy, I know but it sure beats going to work!

I'm seriously beginning to hate getting up for work. I have become a habitual latecomer and I actually don't care. I'm trying to find all my certs (where the heck are they?!) so that I can start applying for jobs. I sure hope I'll find them soon before I get my ass fired. My job is pretty easy and relaxed actually and I know there are people out there who would kill to be in my position. It's been two and a half years since I joined this company and I guess it really is time to move on. It's also due to the fact that I absolutely HATE/DESPISE my district manager. This is me. Once someone who is not worthy of my respect comes onboard, I'll start to slack. It's actually easy to get him off my case. I just have to come to work on time but I can't seemed to do that now. The only way I can think of is to get me a new job. Everything happens for a reason and who knows, I might be more happier in a new environment. So, wish me luck guys!

Btw I have posted pictures in another website. Do visit it. www.ringo.com Key in my email address which is juz_someone@hotmail.com under the Find a friend tab.

Honda Accord Commercial..

Would like to share this with you guys. I have copied details about the commercial here. Read about it first before you click on the link. Cool stuff man...

This is one clever Honda commercial..Be sure to read the info first, and then watch the clip. And you thought those people that set up roomfuls of dominos to knock over were amazing. There are no computer graphics or digital tricks in the film. Everything you see really happened in real time exactly as you see it.The film took 606 takes. On the first 605 takes, something, usually very minor, didn't work. They would then have to set the whole thing up again. The crew spent weeks shooting night and day. By the time it was over, they were ready to change professions. The film cost six million dollars and took three months to complete including full engineering of the sequence. In addition, it's two minutes long so every time Honda airs the film on British television, they're shelling out enough dough to keep any one of us in clover for a lifetime. However, it is fast becoming the most downloaded advertisement in Internet history. Honda executives figure the ad will soon pay for its self simply in "free viewings" (Honda isn't paying a dime to have you watch this commercial!). When the ad was pitched to senior executives, they signed off on it immediately without any hesitation - including the costs.There are six and only six hand-made Honda Accords in the world. To the horror of Honda engineers, the filmmakers disassembled two of them to make the film. Everything you see in the film (aside from the walls, floor ramp, and complete Honda Accord) is parts from those two cars.The voiceover is Garrison Keillor. When the ad was shown to Honda executives, they liked it and commented on how amazing computer graphics have gotten. They fell off their chairs when they found out it was for real. Oh, and about those funky windshield wipers. On the new Accords, the windshield wipers have water sensors and are designed to start doing their thing automatically as soon as they become wet.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/honda.php

Nite of the Living Dead..

I followed a friend to a club last weekend. And mind you, it was no ordinary club..it was ahem...a dangdut club! :p (clubs playing mostly fast indonesian/malay numbers and infamous for their more 'matured' crowd and over the top swinging of hips and butts) I know...I know...what the hell was I thinking?? Those were my very thoughts as I made my way to the club. It was my first experience being in such a club and I must say it was quite an eye opening experience. Of course I wasn't thinking of clubbing. I just followed because my friend asked me to accompany him who, in turn, was accompanying his friend. Anyways, the moment I stepped in I had to stifle a smirk. In fact, the moment I sat down I was laughing. I have never seen a dance floor filled with a lot of aunties, uncles and possibly grannies and grandpas as well. I couldn't control my laughter and my friend had to remind me to be more discreet. I kept smiling throughout as I watched some of the 'groovy' moves the old people were doing. Soon, it started to sink in and I didn't find the whole scenario in front of me funny anymore. In fact, it was..scary. There I was, watching people who should have been at home, relaxing with children or grandchildren and who should be doing more fulfilling things to pass their already not-so-much time on earth. I actually felt afraid. What is the world coming to?!

It's ok if a senior still wants to have fun and still wants to put on his/her dancing shoes but alcohol included?? Ang mohs or other races drinking till their ripe old age, I can brush aside but my people?? As I watched their antics, I kept telling myself to never be like them. God forbid! Which is why I'm now more convinced than ever that I should club till I drop so that I'll have enough fun and am able to enjoy the rest of my life doing more meaningful and fun things, other than clubbing. I can never emphasize enough about this - clubbing hard in my twenties till I decide I never want to step in a club anymore. The group that I was with - there was a mother and daughter team, the daughter and her fiance and their aunts/uncles. It was somewhat a family affair. It's actually sweet to see a mother and daughter dancing together but like I said, the booze is just not right. I wouldn't want to be drinking with my mom! They were nice people - I'll call them seniors - which is why I had to pretend that seeing them like that was the norm to me.

We then headed to another dangdut club called silver tortoise together with the same group. There were more youngsters in this club but bad all the same. There, the seniors openend bottles and drank some more and smoked. Believe me, it wasn't a pleasant sight seeing people old enough to be your parents or grandparents being tipsy. I must say though, that I'm glad I actually went to such clubs. At least, I've learned a valuable lesson - to never end up like them. The image of them will certainly be embedded in my mind. Friends, if a few years say, 20-30 years down the road you still see me grooving on the dance floor, please, please, pleaaaase knock some sense into me will ya? Even better, dig up this old blog of mine and let me read what I wrote about old people who, despite of their age and growing bellies, still behaved like teens. This should be able to drill some sense into me should alzheimer make me do things that I would frown upon. Trust me, if I'm actually still a dancing granny, I must be suffering from some old person's disease. Period.

Well, I'm not exactly a saint either but I do hope that these people will come to their senses soon. They really seemed like a bunch of nice people and I would have loved to have met them under different circumstances. I don't know why I named this blog Nite of the Living Dead. It was my first time seeing so many aged folks on a dance floor and that image...well, made me think of a scene in this particular movie.

Glimpses of 2006..

I was going to just write about what I did on New Year's eve but I thought I should just list down all the things that have happened in all of 2006. Let me see if I can recall some of the happiest, craziest, saddest and just plain...well, I don't know..weird moments I guess..if any. Let me see..

All I can remember in 2006, apart from the tears, heartbreaks and letting the wrong people in my life, I think all these have taught me valuable life lessons. Am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and as much as I curse the people who have induced heartaches in me, I have come out pretty strong amidst all the emotional adversity. And I can actually say that I'm glad things turned out the way they did. I don't have any faith in relationships anymore, and even if I may have missed out on all the good things that come with it, I guess it's better this way - not letting anyone in my life again. Friends, I know what's going through your mind while reading this but..well..introduce me to someone who will succeed in changing my perspectives on relationship! *hint-hint*. Haha.. :p I mean, I'm still meeting people and kinda letting them in my life but not emotionally so yeah..go figure. :)

Ok, enough of the weepy stories. At least I got to do a bit of travelling and lotsa clubbing and dating and kissing..haha. I also attended my first D&D, saw Keagan Kang who was in the same plane with me on the way to Australia, (and I've been a fan of his since) spending money like water and just pampering myself. So yeah, all in all it have been a pretty good year. Oh, I celebrated countdown in the train station with two of my friends, Imah and Peifen. Haha..missed the whole thing! At least I had fun in MOS. The R&B room was damn packed and I could hardly move or breathe even - the cons of standing at 1.57m - my high heels didn't really give me much leverage. Anyways, I was fine with the crowd. Irritatingly squeezy, but fun nonetheless. Of course, I wished that people who can't even move to the beat of R&B shouldn't be allowed in the room. There was this fat, smelly girl who was trying to dance sexy and managed to get a guy's attention by letting him suck on her finger, two girls who actually kissed each other and they did this after a guy showed interest in one of them. Helloooo! I know it's a common thing in a club but what the hell were they thinking?? Trying to turn the guy on? Maybe they are lesbos...but who cares! Moving on..oh and I lost $12 bucks! My fault. Should have put the money in my bag but I placed the dough in my pocket and while dancing, there were some horny asses who were gyrating against me and I think maybe one of them got more than just a hard on. Damn.

I partied till 5am and I met someone in there..but that's just another story. A story that I don't even feel like writing about. Maybe I might, later. So yeah, that's 2006 for you. It wasn't a very good one year but at the very least, I have come out a stronger person and am ready to face 2007. I admit the events of last year have somehow changed me. I don't know how to explain it. The good thing is of course, being more stronger emotionally but it doesn't really make me a better person. Not in the way I had hoped but I'm just a human being after all. People have different ways of coping and picking themselves up. My ways however, are nothing to be proud of. Heck! As long as I know what I'm doing, (do I?) I guess nothing else matters.

So..it's 2007. A brand new year. Though it doesn't feel like one. I do know for a fact though, that I'm going to travel again, party hard, and guard my heart against hurt. I'm still open to dating and meeting new people and all but relationship wise, well..guess we'll just have to wait and see what 2007 have in store for me eh. Cheers!

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEEPS!!

Ok, this may have come a little late but well..as what they always say, better late than never. So....HAPPY, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Oh, and not forgetting...HAPPY HARI RAYA HAJI!! :) Have a great 2007.....