Tears No More..

Went to MOS (again) yesterday night since I had ticket for free entry. The queue was damn looonng...but luckily we met a group of people nice enough to let us joined them so we didn't really had to queue very long compared to the rest. Met some gals and guys from WG and I must say, some of them looked very different from their pics and I could hardly recognise them. It was fun being able to meet them in person at last. Yay! More gal friends and more clubbing kakis! I was having the time of my life and for the first time I actually flirted with the bartender and me and my friend took turns giving him a peck on the cheek! It was really fun doing such girly stuff. :D However, the night ended with a sour note because I found out something about a person whom I thought might be different. Learned about it after I bumped into him in the club. What a bloody coincidence.

It made me realised I have actually succeeded in achieving what I've always wanted - to be very strong emotionally. When it happened, I just stood there. Tears have somewhat formed in my throat and the amazing thing was that they didn't flow. I just couldn't cry. It happened a few times and yet nothing happened. And now I just feel numb. I knew that I was capable of being this way sooner or later but I never expected how it would make me feel. Apart from the numbness, I feel scared. To not be able to feel any sadness. Pain, sure but like I've said before, only for a few fleeting minutes and then it's gone. I feel almost like..a zombie.

Don't worry it's not like I've totally zonked out or something but I just feel..empty...numb. No wonder they say that human beings need to feel sadness or pain in order to feel alive. I'm glad I don't shed tears easily now but it hurts all the same coz I can't release the tension or the pain. Crying helps to make one feel better and I can't even do that. Not because I don't want to but I just can't. And now my throat and chest hurts from all the buildup tears that refused to flow freely. I can only blame myself. Warning bells have been triggering in my head but I chose to ignore it. I just never expected to learned it from others - almost complete strangers, to be exact. (I'm thankful for their concerns though) I never expected me to be 'one of the girls' and now, it really is going to be much, much harder for someone to invade me emotionally. Not when I have grown numb when it comes to affairs of the heart.

On a lighter note, the night ended with 4 or 5 gorgeous transvestites hurling abuses and punches and kicks at one another. They were cursing in thai, in their manly voices and while kicking at one another, my friend told me that in the midst of the fight one of them had her silicon boobs exposed. Guessed it happened when someone pulled her tube dress. It happened a few times but dang..I never saw it! Hehe..I'm sure it must be uhm..educational to see fake boobies 'live'. They were really pretty but hell..they can't beat us real women! :p Besides, they sure entertained us and the rest of the clubbers with their free-style kungfu. Haaiiiiiyak..!!